Pick Up Artist Seduction Advice

I’m partying at my favorite place in Miami with my friends – it’s still off season and the film setup is going slowly so there is plenty of time to be social.Its soo slow tonight that literally every woman is with her boyfriend and/or husband. There are no groups of girls. All-female groups are my favorite type of group to approach as there are usually no complications in getting them to hang out and leave the venue with me and my friends.

Generally it is good to not have random men to show up to the mostly girl group you created. Usually they have no social skills; they just stand there like idiots and offer no value to the interaction.

I look around briefly and notice two very cute women talking to each other – they are the only non-‘mixed’ group. I open with “Hey … you guys seem fun … where you guys from?” They are from Canada, they just moved near Miami, they are down here partying with their ‘friends.’ They are at our table within a few minutes and my wing is engaging the super cute blonde while I speak with the absolutely stunning brunette.

Things are going too well – the girls are enjoying themselves way too much – this is too easy. I think to myself “Yup, they are probably very married.”

I steer the conversation towards who, exactly, she came here with. Reluctantly she says she is here with her husband. Her husband is a major professional athlete.

From an outside point of view, this seems strange. Yet in the field any man with social skills will quickly realize that married women hardly ever want to hang out with their husbands when there is an emotionally engaging player around. This also applies to boyfriends.

The reason is very straightforward. Most men, regardless of success level, have no idea how to consistently engage the women they have relationships with in any emotionally relevant way. These women married their men probably because of the social value (they are rich and famous) they presented – but most men don’t have the social skills to match their real world social value. I know this because I used to be one of those guys. I’m divorced now.

And bottom line, when you are talking to someone the thing that counts the most to a woman is the man’s emotionally engaging personality. If you have an emotionally engaging personality then it literally doesn’t matter that her husband is in the next room.

And so it was with my brunette. She ran off briefly to make sure her husband was happily drinking in the next room and she came back to hang out with me.

Bottom line, though, I don’t sleep with married women.

So I park my brunette at my table and start a conversation with a group of nearby women who were hovering around our table. I pull everybody together – in player lingo this is called ‘merging sets.’ Everybody is happy – the married girl is having a great time and I’m having a great time and so are my new girls.

Later that night, I’m walking towards the back of the club to meet new people, and my brunette flags me down: “Hey, Mehow!!!” super loud. I look over to see her positively huge intimidating husband standing next to her. She politely introduces us. She starts talking to me and telling her husband what an amazing guy I am and starts touching me.

Now if you are ever the boyfriend or husband in this situation – just grab her hand and say ‘Baby, we have to go’ and drag her away immediately.

Emotions are emotions and regardless of how innocent they seem they still have a very powerful effect. The problem is that attraction isn’t a choice (David DeAngelo).

The husband just stands there with a quizzical look on his face – he doesn’t know what to do. He is getting upset though. I know how this ends. If I let our interaction continue, they will be fighting over this later. The husband seems like a nice solid guy, no thrills but a nice guy. I have a lot of respect for a guy who can marry such a beautiful, cool girl.

I leave.

She ignored him because, deep down inside, he wasn’t who she really wanted to be with. And he just proved it to her again. He got all reactive and defensive at what was a friendly social interaction. He demonstrated his total insecurity. She lost a ton of attraction for him. They weren’t going to have sex that night. All that and I had absolutely no intention of ‘stealing’ his woman – I was just entertaining her.

But there are definite exceptions to this rule. There are men out there that women will stick with and not ignore like this. But for this to happen – you have to be an emotionally engaging man. You have to be that guy that when she looks at you she is perfectly happy. This takes incredible amount of work or having it naturally (very, very rare). The guys that put the work in become naturals usually after a few years of practice. They are much happier men as a result.

Most men aren’t that guy which is why most women appear un-loyal. This is actually not the woman’s fault – most men are not the complete package and women are emotional creatures that act on their emotions when it comes to romance.

If you yourself are an emotionally engaging husband or boyfriend and she is a keeper she will stop the emotional escalation by any man that approaches her.

I have met only a few of these women. One of them is my current girlfriend.

She will not wait for me to drag her away – she will drag herself away.

This is how a man can tell if his wife or girlfriend is loyal:

Women that consistently let them selves get emotionally stimulated by other men will cheat on you sooner or later. The external level of her commitment is literally irrelevant – just in the last month two of my wings slept with two fiances who were both weeks from marriage.

Women that consistently stop escalation by other men are really into you and are keepers.

Mehow

What to get that girl?

You know what, on average, people are most afraid of? It’s not death. It’s public speaking. As Seinfeld once said, most people would rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy.

That doesn’t make much sense, does it?

By now you should be getting used to humans not making much sense.

This all comes from social pressure. No one wants to look stupid. Everyone wants to be the coolest, most confident guy in the room. And when you stand up in front of people, you give yourself the chance to FAIL.

Winston Churchill once said something like “I’d rather keep my mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.”

He also said “Madam, I may be drunk, but I’ll be sober tomorrow, and you’ll still be ugly.” Feel free to use that one.

Anyway, most people feel like Winston. When it comes to the fool quote, I mean. Almost everyone is so scared of doing something dumb that they end up doing nothing. When opportunity arises they flash back to a bad experience from junior high, all these negative emotions come flooding, and they freeze.

It’s understandable. I mean, the emotional pain of embarrassment and – worse – rejection is very real. Most guys prefer physical discomfort to social awkwardness. So eventually you just avoid situations where things can get awkward or embarrassing or – worse – rejecting.

STOP THAT!

Time for some tough love. When you’re on your death bed – should you be so lucky to have a bed – it isn’t going to be the things you tried and failed that you regret.

It’s the things you HAVEN’T TRIED. Always. Because you never know what might have been.

I remember once when I was a young kid – maybe 14 – on the beach and some girls walked by me and said “Hi” with these salacious smiles.

I froze.

And I REMEMBER THIS! I rue that moment. I’ve approached hundreds of women since, and especially in the early going, I wasn’t always successful. I got shot down my fair share of times.

And I don’t remember them much at all. Certainly not in a painful way. At the time it might have hurt, but with practice you can learn to deal with that pretty easily.

It’s like breaking through the burn in a serious exercise regimen. It sucks while it happens, but once you’ve made it through it doesn’t seem so bad – in fact, you get to kind of enjoy it. Why? Because instead of avoiding the burn with fear, you push yourself towards it, and you get great results. You wind up feeling good, and pride comes that you pushed yourself through to the reward.

Guess what? Approaching women much like that. It is EXACTLY like that.

When you see a beautiful woman and those nerves come, that’s normal. Everyone gets that. Even the best of the best still get that occasionally, and those are guys with AMAZING success rates.

EVERYONE is scared of looking like a fool, and a beautiful woman can do that to you better than most. Hence, approach anxiety.

DEAL with it.

Most men don’t fail with women because of some fatal flaw in their being. It’s because they never put themselves into a position where they can succeed. And when by luck they find themselves in that position they don’t know what to do because they’ve rarely been there!

Thus, they screw it up, receive more negative feedback, and avoid such situations even MORE in the future. This is what psychologists call a negative feedback loop, and it’s an ugly thing. Tough to deal with too.

So what’s a guy to do?

BREAK THE LOOP.

I’m not going to lie to you. When you approach women – especially to start – you’ll have some negative interactions. You’ll be nervous, and although most women will be much nicer than your dark fantasies, they probably won’t respond the way you want them to.

Even a nice brush-off is a brush-off, and it still stings.

Plus, there will be some women who WON’T be nice, WON’T humor your awkward attempts, and will blow you out of the water.

Ouch.

Of course, after your first good workouts, you shouldn’t be able to lift your arms above your shoulders.

Ouch.

The point is that you are BUILDING to something. The more practice you get, the less nervous you’ll be, or at least the less nervous you’ll act (which is just as important). As you gain confidence, you won’t have that fear ruining everything.

The butterflies will remain, but YOU will have control of them. One day you’ll get a cold response, and you’ll stay so inside yourself and confident through it that you’ll actually TURN the tables and have women respect and LIKE you for it.

You’ll have passed a test, and you’ll get great reactions. This is when you start to – wait for it – ENJOY these socially charged moments. There will come a point where you SEEK THEM OUT because you end up having POSITIVE responses. Either from the get-go or, more powerfully, when you deftly deal with a situation most men RUN from.

Break the negative loop, and you find yourself in a win-win place. That’s not to say ALL women you approach will fall all over you – they have their own lives and issues to deal with – but you won’t ever feel that it was YOUR fault.

If you’re friendly, open, and confident, either she will open up to you or she will have a personal reason why she doesn’t.

You don’t have to have that naked-in-the-locker-room junior high feel.

How do you get there? Start with these exercises.

Tomorrow, go out and talk to 10 people. Any 10 – men, women, children, grandmas – just get used to TALKING with strangers. Get comfortable doing it. Talk about books in the bookstore, music in the CD shop, Columbia in Starbucks – anything, so long as you try to do it NATURALLY.

More than likely some of the people you talk to will be women, and more than likely some will be hot. Great. Treat them the SAME as everyone else. Remember, you’re just practicing the natural connection with humanity, something most people can’t do around strangers.

Got it? Good. Now do the same thing for 10 days. That’s right, 100 people.

Just do it. Don’t tell Phil Knight I said that.

At the end of those 10 days you should feel a lot more relaxed approaching strangers and conversing with them. So the NEXT 10 days you are going to talk to beautiful women.

This doesn’t mean to ignore everyone else, but if you see a woman that you’re attracted to, MAKE yourself talk to her. Ok, if she’s at a restaurant spoon-feeding her grandparents, you’re excused, but if the situation is REMOTELY acceptable, you’ve gotta talk to her. Period.

If you want, you can simply say “I usually get nervous talking to beautiful women, so I’m practicing talking to them in a relaxed way, staying in myself. Thanks for the help.” Most of the time the response will be better than you think – she’ll be flattered, and you might provoke a little nurturing instinct.

Don’t stop there, of course. Try to talk for around 5 minutes without getting flustered. After 10 days, odds are you’ll be pretty good. Some women might even volunteer their numbers.

But we’re not finished. The NEXT 10 days you are going to go out and ask 10 women a day for their numbers, emails, even instant dates (like moving on to a coffee shop). Remember to stay relaxed and talk to them as you talked to everyone else. DO NOT change your approach – she’ll know if you do. Keep cool and confident – the rest will come.

At the end of this month, you’ll be a new man. A more confident man. And, likely, a man with enough numbers to keep you busy for the next month.

You’ll be starting to ENJOY those social pressure moments, because you know that good connections come out of them. You’ll have a positive feedback loop. You’ll be ready for the next step.

Getting numbers is, after all, only the first step. There’s plenty more to know if you are going to have full success and find yourself satiated at the end of the night. Stay tuned.

Derek Vitalio

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