Generally it is good to not have random men to show up to the mostly girl group you created. Usually they have no social skills; they just stand there like idiots and offer no value to the interaction.

I look around briefly and notice two very cute women talking to each other – they are the only non-‘mixed’ group. I open with “Hey … you guys seem fun … where you guys from?” They are from Canada, they just moved near Miami, they are down here partying with their ‘friends.’ They are at our table within a few minutes and my wing is engaging the super cute blonde while I speak with the absolutely stunning brunette.

Things are going too well – the girls are enjoying themselves way too much – this is too easy. I think to myself “Yup, they are probably very married.”

I steer the conversation towards who, exactly, she came here with. Reluctantly she says she is here with her husband. Her husband is a major professional athlete.

From an outside point of view, this seems strange. Yet in the field any man with social skills will quickly realize that married women hardly ever want to hang out with their husbands when there is an emotionally engaging player around. This also applies to boyfriends.

The reason is very straightforward. Most men, regardless of success level, have no idea how to consistently engage the women they have relationships with in any emotionally relevant way. These women married their men probably because of the social value (they are rich and famous) they presented – but most men don’t have the social skills to match their real world social value. I know this because I used to be one of those guys. I’m divorced now.

And bottom line, when you are talking to someone the thing that counts the most to a woman is the man’s emotionally engaging personality. If you have an emotionally engaging personality then it literally doesn’t matter that her husband is in the next room.

And so it was with my brunette. She ran off briefly to make sure her husband was happily drinking in the next room and she came back to hang out with me.

Bottom line, though, I don’t sleep with married women.

So I park my brunette at my table and start a conversation with a group of nearby women who were hovering around our table. I pull everybody together – in player lingo this is called ‘merging sets.’ Everybody is happy – the married girl is having a great time and I’m having a great time and so are my new girls.

Later that night, I’m walking towards the back of the club to meet new people, and my brunette flags me down: “Hey, Mehow!!!” super loud. I look over to see her positively huge intimidating husband standing next to her. She politely introduces us. She starts talking to me and telling her husband what an amazing guy I am and starts touching me.

Now if you are ever the boyfriend or husband in this situation – just grab her hand and say ‘Baby, we have to go’ and drag her away immediately.

Emotions are emotions and regardless of how innocent they seem they still have a very powerful effect. The problem is that attraction isn’t a choice (David DeAngelo).

The husband just stands there with a quizzical look on his face – he doesn’t know what to do. He is getting upset though. I know how this ends. If I let our interaction continue, they will be fighting over this later. The husband seems like a nice solid guy, no thrills but a nice guy. I have a lot of respect for a guy who can marry such a beautiful, cool girl.

I leave.

She ignored him because, deep down inside, he wasn’t who she really wanted to be with. And he just proved it to her again. He got all reactive and defensive at what was a friendly social interaction. He demonstrated his total insecurity. She lost a ton of attraction for him. They weren’t going to have sex that night. All that and I had absolutely no intention of ‘stealing’ his woman – I was just entertaining her.

But there are definite exceptions to this rule. There are men out there that women will stick with and not ignore like this. But for this to happen – you have to be an emotionally engaging man. You have to be that guy that when she looks at you she is perfectly happy. This takes incredible amount of work or having it naturally (very, very rare). The guys that put the work in become naturals usually after a few years of practice. They are much happier men as a result.

Most men aren’t that guy which is why most women appear un-loyal. This is actually not the woman’s fault – most men are not the complete package and women are emotional creatures that act on their emotions when it comes to romance.

If you yourself are an emotionally engaging husband or boyfriend and she is a keeper she will stop the emotional escalation by any man that approaches her.

I have met only a few of these women. One of them is my current girlfriend.

She will not wait for me to drag her away – she will drag herself away.

This is how a man can tell if his wife or girlfriend is loyal:

Women that consistently let them selves get emotionally stimulated by other men will cheat on you sooner or later. The external level of her commitment is literally irrelevant – just in the last month two of my wings slept with two fiances who were both weeks from marriage.

Women that consistently stop escalation by other men are really into you and are keepers.

Mehow

What to get that girl?

That doesn’t make much sense, does it?

By now you should be getting used to humans not making much sense.

This all comes from social pressure. No one wants to look stupid. Everyone wants to be the coolest, most confident guy in the room. And when you stand up in front of people, you give yourself the chance to FAIL.

Winston Churchill once said something like “I’d rather keep my mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.”

He also said “Madam, I may be drunk, but I’ll be sober tomorrow, and you’ll still be ugly.” Feel free to use that one.

Anyway, most people feel like Winston. When it comes to the fool quote, I mean. Almost everyone is so scared of doing something dumb that they end up doing nothing. When opportunity arises they flash back to a bad experience from junior high, all these negative emotions come flooding, and they freeze.

It’s understandable. I mean, the emotional pain of embarrassment and – worse – rejection is very real. Most guys prefer physical discomfort to social awkwardness. So eventually you just avoid situations where things can get awkward or embarrassing or – worse – rejecting.

STOP THAT!

Time for some tough love. When you’re on your death bed – should you be so lucky to have a bed – it isn’t going to be the things you tried and failed that you regret.

It’s the things you HAVEN’T TRIED. Always. Because you never know what might have been.

I remember once when I was a young kid – maybe 14 – on the beach and some girls walked by me and said “Hi” with these salacious smiles.

I froze.

And I REMEMBER THIS! I rue that moment. I’ve approached hundreds of women since, and especially in the early going, I wasn’t always successful. I got shot down my fair share of times.

And I don’t remember them much at all. Certainly not in a painful way. At the time it might have hurt, but with practice you can learn to deal with that pretty easily.

It’s like breaking through the burn in a serious exercise regimen. It sucks while it happens, but once you’ve made it through it doesn’t seem so bad – in fact, you get to kind of enjoy it. Why? Because instead of avoiding the burn with fear, you push yourself towards it, and you get great results. You wind up feeling good, and pride comes that you pushed yourself through to the reward.

Guess what? Approaching women much like that. It is EXACTLY like that.

When you see a beautiful woman and those nerves come, that’s normal. Everyone gets that. Even the best of the best still get that occasionally, and those are guys with AMAZING success rates.

EVERYONE is scared of looking like a fool, and a beautiful woman can do that to you better than most. Hence, approach anxiety.

DEAL with it.

Most men don’t fail with women because of some fatal flaw in their being. It’s because they never put themselves into a position where they can succeed. And when by luck they find themselves in that position they don’t know what to do because they’ve rarely been there!

Thus, they screw it up, receive more negative feedback, and avoid such situations even MORE in the future. This is what psychologists call a negative feedback loop, and it’s an ugly thing. Tough to deal with too.

So what’s a guy to do?

BREAK THE LOOP.

I’m not going to lie to you. When you approach women – especially to start – you’ll have some negative interactions. You’ll be nervous, and although most women will be much nicer than your dark fantasies, they probably won’t respond the way you want them to.

Even a nice brush-off is a brush-off, and it still stings.

Plus, there will be some women who WON’T be nice, WON’T humor your awkward attempts, and will blow you out of the water.

Ouch.

Of course, after your first good workouts, you shouldn’t be able to lift your arms above your shoulders.

Ouch.

The point is that you are BUILDING to something. The more practice you get, the less nervous you’ll be, or at least the less nervous you’ll act (which is just as important). As you gain confidence, you won’t have that fear ruining everything.

The butterflies will remain, but YOU will have control of them. One day you’ll get a cold response, and you’ll stay so inside yourself and confident through it that you’ll actually TURN the tables and have women respect and LIKE you for it.

You’ll have passed a test, and you’ll get great reactions. This is when you start to – wait for it – ENJOY these socially charged moments. There will come a point where you SEEK THEM OUT because you end up having POSITIVE responses. Either from the get-go or, more powerfully, when you deftly deal with a situation most men RUN from.

Break the negative loop, and you find yourself in a win-win place. That’s not to say ALL women you approach will fall all over you – they have their own lives and issues to deal with – but you won’t ever feel that it was YOUR fault.

If you’re friendly, open, and confident, either she will open up to you or she will have a personal reason why she doesn’t.

You don’t have to have that naked-in-the-locker-room junior high feel.

How do you get there? Start with these exercises.

Tomorrow, go out and talk to 10 people. Any 10 – men, women, children, grandmas – just get used to TALKING with strangers. Get comfortable doing it. Talk about books in the bookstore, music in the CD shop, Columbia in Starbucks – anything, so long as you try to do it NATURALLY.

More than likely some of the people you talk to will be women, and more than likely some will be hot. Great. Treat them the SAME as everyone else. Remember, you’re just practicing the natural connection with humanity, something most people can’t do around strangers.

Got it? Good. Now do the same thing for 10 days. That’s right, 100 people.

Just do it. Don’t tell Phil Knight I said that.

At the end of those 10 days you should feel a lot more relaxed approaching strangers and conversing with them. So the NEXT 10 days you are going to talk to beautiful women.

This doesn’t mean to ignore everyone else, but if you see a woman that you’re attracted to, MAKE yourself talk to her. Ok, if she’s at a restaurant spoon-feeding her grandparents, you’re excused, but if the situation is REMOTELY acceptable, you’ve gotta talk to her. Period.

If you want, you can simply say “I usually get nervous talking to beautiful women, so I’m practicing talking to them in a relaxed way, staying in myself. Thanks for the help.” Most of the time the response will be better than you think – she’ll be flattered, and you might provoke a little nurturing instinct.

Don’t stop there, of course. Try to talk for around 5 minutes without getting flustered. After 10 days, odds are you’ll be pretty good. Some women might even volunteer their numbers.

But we’re not finished. The NEXT 10 days you are going to go out and ask 10 women a day for their numbers, emails, even instant dates (like moving on to a coffee shop). Remember to stay relaxed and talk to them as you talked to everyone else. DO NOT change your approach – she’ll know if you do. Keep cool and confident – the rest will come.

At the end of this month, you’ll be a new man. A more confident man. And, likely, a man with enough numbers to keep you busy for the next month.

You’ll be starting to ENJOY those social pressure moments, because you know that good connections come out of them. You’ll have a positive feedback loop. You’ll be ready for the next step.

Getting numbers is, after all, only the first step. There’s plenty more to know if you are going to have full success and find yourself satiated at the end of the night. Stay tuned.

Derek Vitalio

Check out Derek Vitalio material:

 
• Derek Vitalio Seduction Newsletter
• Get The Girlfriend
• Blissnosis Master Program
• Seduction Archetypes
• Seduction Science, 3rd Edition
• Seduction Science eBook
• Deep Inner Game Series

Capture and Lead A Woman’s Imagination and Emotions!

As I have taught again and again, whatever you can get a person to imagine will be perceived by them to be their own thought, and thus will not be resisted. Women especially like to be led by their imagination and emotions! Then, and only then, will they give you the behaviors (love, sex, etc) that you crave and want. Remember, women want good feelings, and all of the tools and language patterns in the Speed Seduction Home Study course are geared toward either doing this or gathering the information you need to do this.

Tip 1: The patterns are examples, NOT rules. Many students think that unless they present the patterns to women, word for word, that they won’t work or get results. THIS IS JUST 100% FALSE! The patterns are only examples..very GOOD examples..of the kinds of communication that turn women on. They give you the structure. But they aren’t meant to be rigidly or exclusively followed. Learn from them HOW they work, and you’ll be able to quickly create your own patterns.

Tip 2: Women enjoy the patterns, so forget about being caught. So many beginning clients feel like they are doing something wrong…a small minor crime like picking a pocket or stealing a wrist-watch when they approach women to do the patterns! Hey..the patterns are designed to make women feel wonderful! At the very least you are brightening her day and doing her a favor and at best turning her on unlike anyone else ever has! So far from feeling bad, you ought to excited about the gift you are giving her!

Tip 3: Practice the patterns outloud! The patterns are meant to be SPOKEN, not read! You can’t really master the tonality and tempo unless you practice OUTLOUD! THIS STEP IS CRITICAL!

Tip 4: Take a little bit each day! Speed Seduction is like learning a whole new language and a whole new way of thinking! Be fair to yourself and master it all naturally as it comes! Take your time and just do a little bit every day! You’ll be shocked at how much you master in just a few weeks time!

Tip 5: Pattern Flow Is Important! One of the most crucial skills isknowing how to transition from one pattern to another! In one letter, I explained how to make flash cards to quickly learn how to flow from one pattern to the next! If you haven’t done that…DO IT NOW!

Tip 6: Understand The Conversational Set-ups! Patterns are hard to use if you don’t know how to introduce them and bring them up in conversation! For each pattern you want to use you ought to have at least two ways of bringing it up! I cover this in several of the Newsletters, so if you haven’t got them, all the back issues are in the back of the workbook in the Basic/Delux Home Study Course.

Tip 7: Practice Your Closing! So many guys have told me they’ve run patterns but when it comes time to closing the deal..they are stuck! Well, as I have said, if you want a result, you’ve got to rehearse it! So prepare your closes in advance so they flow from you naturally and without thought when you need them! Along those lines, here are some EXCELLENT
closes:

Close #1: Why don’t we continue this somewhere else and see how much we can enjoy each other’s company?

Close #2: It’s too bad you’re not the type of person who can imagine being together, feeling and doing all the things you love to feel and do..for all the reasons that make sense to you..but as you think about it just like that..doesn’t it just seem that spending some time together is something we have to
do?

Close #3: So..what steps would we have to take in order to make sure we can talk again?

Close #4: I have an intuition..and I don’t know if you can imagine this as I describe it..that when we get a chance to talk without time pressures or interruptions…we’ll really enjoy each other’s company..and I’m wondering if there’s a number where you feel comfortable having me call you.

Piece and Peace

Ross Jeffries

P.S You can get your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course at: http://www.seductiontuition.com/speed-seduction

1. If you’ll take her bullshit.

2. How hungry you are for her attention (remember: those who look hungry, never get fed)

3. Just how much control she can exert over you and/or the relationship.

In this issue, I’d like to talk about how you can pass those tests, and how to do some testing of your own. Believe me, this is important. If you’ve ever been dumped for being “too nice”, or have been told, time and again, “let’s just be friends”, it’s because you haven’t learned to recognize when you’re being tested or just haven’t yet learned how to properly respond. You thought you would get points for being “co-operative” and “helpful”, and instead you just got the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Why She Tests You: The Search For Strength And Certainty

Look: one of the primary things that women are looking for from a man is security; the feeling that someone is stronger than they are. When you put a woman in her place, when you set rules and boundaries for her to follow, it lets her know she can relax around you and feel comfortable and secure. This search for strength is the single most important reason why she tests you. The other factor is ambivalence, or what I call the “make up my mind for me” syndrome.

You see, the sad reality is that often a woman just isn’t that interested in you one way or another. Maybe you aren’t exactly the physical type she goes for, maybe she just got burned in a bad relationship, or there’s some unseen competitor who she’s waiting to hear from. What ever her reasons, you can tell this is happening when you hear something like, “Uh…well, I’d like to go out with you Friday, but why don’t you call me late Friday afternoon and I’ll let you know for sure?”

Finally, there is the fact that sometimes, modern women just get overwhelmed with eighty billion things they are trying to do at once. And, when overwhelmed, they flake on commitments that occur during the peak of the overwhelm.

How To Handle It…Dealing From A Position Of Strength

To get back to street fighting analogies, there’s a concept from Jeet Kun Do, the fighting style of the late, great Bruce Lee that basically says that any weapon thrust your way, as part of an attack is just a convenient target to be destroyed. Coming from this perspective, an attack, rather than something to be feared, is just an unprecedented opportunity to…. KICK THE OTHER GUY’S ASS!!!!

Just so, a woman’s bullshit and tests are great opportunities to establish respect and dramatically increase her interest in you. In other words, your response to these tests, instead of being, “Oh no.…why is she doing this? What did I do wrong?”, from now on will be…. AH, HAH! A RESPECT OPPORTUNITY!!!

Look: your attitude has to be that every rude piece of behavior, every silly test of hers is just an unprecedented opportunity for you to establish respect, increase her interest, and intensify her desire to please you. Taken from this perspective, you’ll be mentally prepared, and may even find yourself actually looking forward to her trying to pull shit, since you know it’s your chance to get her really hot for you!!!! Now, before we go on to some specific scenarios, let me add one other thing: when you do put her in her place. …

IT’S GOT TO COME FROM THE RIGHT PLACE IN YOU!!!

In other words, the macho idiot who loses control and trashes the place when his girlfriend comes home ten minutes late is definitely not the example to follow. All he’s doing is showing he can’t control himself and he just earns the woman’s contempt. Notice I’m not saying you can’t or shouldn’t get a little pissed. Just don’t go nutso with a stream of obscenities. (Streams of obscenities are for afterwards, when you are in bed with her.)

The other thing that doesn’t work is acting like a hurt little boy. Whining stuff like, “How could you do this to me?” or, “But you promised!” won’t cut it, good buddy. No. You have to come from the calm, but firm “take it or leave it” position. This is all part of displaying the critically important………

WILLINGNESS TO WALK AWAY FROM HER!!!

You see, after years of experience and study, I’ve come to the conclusion that a woman can only experience real passion for you if on some level she believes she could do something to lose you! Understand that when you show this willingness to walk away, in any area of your life, it conveys the message that you are the prize to be pursued, that you are the person of value, and they had better take advantage of the opportunity. This is an attitude that will move you forward in any area that’s challenging you.

By way of contrast, if you show a non-stop, forever and ever devotion to her, and put up with her crap and ambivalence, then where is that tension of knowing she could lose you? Answer: nowhere! And that’s why you get nowhere when you put up with this kind of stuff! If you’ve seen an initially hot relationship grow ice-cold, this is one big reason!!! Ok. On to some
scenarios.

Scenario one: You call to ask her out for the first time. Her response is ambivalent, something like, “Well, I’d like to but, why don’t you call me later in the week and….” Here’s your response: “Let me ask you a question, point blank. Is going out with me something you can take or leave or is it something that you’re smart enough that you really want to do that?” Then shut the hell up and listen for her answer.

Now, what are you doing here? You’re calling her on her ambivalence and letting her know you don’t have time to be put on hold. And you’re also suggesting she’s stupid if she doesn’t grab this opportunity.

Finally, you’re embedding a command (about which much more later in other issues of this newsletter) that she really does want to go out with you. Will this work? Very often it does.
It’s not what she’s expecting, and that always gets attention. Just be as matter of fact and non-hostile as you can. Understatement works best with this one. What if she still hesitates? Well, say this one: You: Look. You have my number, and I’m going to leave it up to you. And you know, if you don’t call it’s going to be a loss for me, but maybe what you won’t realize until after you hang up is, that it’ll be a loss for you as well. Ok? Bye.

Scenario Two: She calls and cancels at the last minute without offering to do it again at some specific time. (I’ve heard every excuse in the book, my friend, from “My parakeet is sick” to “I’ve got to shampoo the rug”. Seriously)

Her: I can’t make it. I’ve got a rare tropical disease that’s causing me to shrink by the hour.

You:(dead silence for as long as it takes for her to talk again. Just say NOTHING!!!)

Her: Hello? Are you there? What’s wrong?

You: What’s wrong is I can’t believe the bullshit I’m hearing.

Her: What?????

You: Look…you made a commitment to spend time with me and now you’re blowing me off. You’re disrespecting me and disrespecting my time and I’m NOT going to put up with it. My rule is, if someone makes a commitment to me, I expect them to keep it. If they can’t keep it, I need to know at least a day in advance so I can make other plans. Got it? If you can live with that rule, great…if not, sayonara!

Then, HANG UP!! Now, this may sound extreme, but man does it work well!!! In fact, she’ll probably call back with five minutes and apologize and ask you out!!! I’m not kidding here; I’ve seen the hardest, jaded bitches go to giggly little girls, eager to please me when I’ve done this. It throws some kind of switch in their heads. I guess with some people, you don’t really get their attention until…

You Give Them A Swift Kick In The Ass!!

Please note, I’m speaking of an attitude. I am NOT talking about or in any way suggesting or condoning physical violence with a woman. In fact, I am against the use or threat of the use of violence or force against ANY human being, unless there is an imminent threat of violence against yourself or a loved one. I can’t make this too clear. I’m talking about using your mind, NOT your fists.

Scenario Three: You go to pick her up at her place and she either keeps you waiting outside for more than ten minutes, or lets you in and then proceeds to talk on the phone for at least that long while totally ignoring you. Wait for her to finish, and as soon as she does say something like this:

YOU: Can I ask you a question?

HER: Sure.

YOU: Are you being intentionally rude to test me, or are you
just accidentally acting clueless?

HER:(mouth dropping open in shock, unable to say anything!)

YOU: Don’t ever keep me waiting like this again, ok? I’ll
always treat you respectfully, but I expect the same. Do you
understand me?

HER: Uh..uh…yes.

The point is this: when women throw this stuff your way, you want to do the unexpected. Don’t put up with it, like a “nice guy” and don’t lose your temper like a jerk. Walk a middle ground of strength, self-control AND self-respect, and these tests will become opportunities to power her straight into your bed.

And that certainly beats a poke in the eye, doesn’t it?

‘Til next time,

Piece and peace

Ross Jeffries
P.S. To order the amazing, life-changing, girl-getting Speed Seduction® Home Study Course, just go to http://www.seductiontuition.com/speed-seduction